1. You might think that it will be cute to get bangs. It will most likely not be.
2. When he breaks up with you—and he will, you will not die. It might feel like you’re dying, and you will probably wish you were dying, but six months from now you and your friends will all be laughing about his small penis and annoying laugh for the next 3 to 5 years—and this will be the case with every boyfriend. I promise.
3. The mean kid in your homeroom that makes fun of you every day seems really cool now, but when he’s in jail, or a janitor at a jail ten years from now, you won’t even need to tell him for him to know he’s a loser - and trust me, the one’s you expect to be unsuccessful or in jail WILL be the ones that end up there.
4. If you and your boyfriend are fooling around in your bed and your mom doesn’t catch you the first time, don’t try your luck for a second time. You can’t win that situation.
5. High school will not actually be the best years of your life. People only say that, and we’re not even sure where they got that idea in the first place. College is where it’s at.
6. Your 3 best friends? With the matching necklaces? You won’t be friends by the time you make it out of middle and high school. Nothing bad will happen, you all just aren’t really that compatible. Your mutual love for (insert hot celebrity’s name here/romantic comedies) isn’t enough to carry you through.
7. That thing that you are FUHREAKING out about that is bigger than life that is tearing the world down that you are crying yourself to sleep over WILL NOT MATTER 6 months from now. Call me crazy, but just wait. 6 months. Clock me.
8. When someone tells everybody you sucked someone’s dick/slept with that ugly guy/dated your best friend, do not fret. No one actually believes it, especially because whoever said it is probably a douche.
9. The pretty girl you wish you were has insecurities too. And her boyfriend doesn’t like her for her personality. You know this.
10. There is always someone better. The guy you’re dating now is the BEST and you’re going to MARRY HIM and he’s AMAZING and you would just DIE without him I mean JUST. DIE. But if things go South, and you happen to not die, there’s someone even more amazing and you’re going to marry him too. And the next one. And the next one. (Until it really is true.)
11. No one else sees that big zit on your face. Later you will learn in an adolescent psychology class that all of you kiddos are the same. The good news is, you’re all so wrapped up in yourselves that you’re all too busy to be looking at everyone else. They are not looking at you.
12. Just because when you walked by they happened to laugh, does not mean they are laughing at you. It’s just a fact.
13. Fucking tell him you like him. There’s only two options - he likes you or he doesn’t like you. You already think he doesn’t like you anyway, so you might as well get on with it. You may be pleasantly surprised.
14. Don’t date your best friend. Just don’t.
15. His phone is not broken. He didn’t forget to pay the bill. Your message went through on facebook. He’s an asshole. He’s ignoring you. Move on.
16. If he broke up with you, don’t try to get him back the same night, or at all. You don’t know this yet but first of all, you don’t want him. Second of all, refer to numbers 2 and 10. Problem solved.
17. Do not cut yourself. Do not starve yourself. Do not burn yourself. Do not harm yourself. You will probably never stop. If you’re lucky enough to stop, you will NEVER, EVER stop wanting to.
18. Your mom is as annoying as you think she is, and it does get better when you move out.
19. Don’t write anything down you don’t want someone to read. Diary, notes, emails, texts…don’t do it. Your mom will find it. Your dad will find it. Your friend will find it. Your boyfriend will find it. Don’t write it down. If you do write it down, eat it. Literally eat it.
20. Don’t post details on facebook. You’ll go back through your news feed 4 years from now and cringe. No one cares about that thing your friend said today that really made you mad. Tell your friend.
21. Don’t take what they say to heart. Don’t tell him how much he makes you cry. Don’t be afraid to feel your emotions. Don’t be afraid to be yourself. Don’t be afraid to tell the asshole in homeroom that he’s a fucking dick—in front of everyone. Don’t stress because nothing will matter if you do what you know is right.
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